As an
"evolved" aspie who has worked on myself for a long period of time to
"fit in" and not seem "out of place", I often have run into
the same problem. No matter how good your " neurotypical " act gets
(and mine is darn good)...it still sends up red flags. And when you add an
accidentally menacing look the results are not good.
I get
security called on me, or employees told to watch me (and pretend to have a
conversation near me while watching me), or I get asked by a cop to search my
car on a routine traffic stop, or even better a cop will pull me over, ask why
I'm acting suspicious, find out my record is clean, and yell at me for having
acted suspicious.
There are a
few theories on why this happens, and even some recent findings. Humans
subconsciously mimic each other, and if someone doesn't mimic back it sends out
"creepy" vibes. Also the lack of eye contact (or too much eye
contact) makes people wary of us. Aspies are different enough to raise red flags, but normal enough for them not
to be forgiven.
And when I
explain this to friends and family by saying "People who have Aspergers
are often perceived as dangerous, creepy, or up to no good by strangers,
police, teachers and other peoples parents." And I always hear back
"They don't know that you have it." and I give them a look that
informs them of the stupidity of such a statement.
It's not
that they know it by name, and say "hey, that guy has Aspergers...let's
fear him." There is something going on subconsciously that makes people
distrust us. And I'm smart enough to know it, and even know why. But there are
some things you can't just "learn" to imitate. Luckily I decided to
take this GABA Plus supplement, and have had some nice effects (Please read other blog)
And tonight
I decided to test out the effect I have on people now that the supplement has
made me more focused, and aware. So I went late at night through the Starbucks
drive-through, and the Taco Bell drive through. It has definitely gotten easier
to talk to people, and they seem to even respond to me better.
At
Starbucks I ordered four drinks for my brother and his friends, and it took a
while, so the guy apologized, and I said "Don't worry bro, I know it's
just you in there, and you can only make two at a time." and he responded
well to me being understanding (where usually I would be misunderstood, or they
would read too far into it.)
And at Taco
Bell I ordered my usual, and pulled up and gave him my money, and he smiled at
me, and asked if I wanted any sauce, and I politely declined. And in both cases
we closed the conversation with "thanks man, have a nice night" and
both parties seemed to mean it.
I'm not
sure exactly how as of now, but I know something has changed that made them act
differently. My thoughts are that before I took the supplement I was often
tired looking, (and had the aforementioned aspie problems, including
accidentally seeming menacing) And I did
not respond the expected way (as most people know we rarely do.)
In any
case, I hope that tonight was not just a fluke, and I start seeing a difference
in everyday things like that. You can only go so long feeling like an outsider,
a creep, or a monster. Especially when you see your self as a kind, caring,
good-guy who would more than likely be the protector of the people around you...you
know, when the real bad-guys show up.
-ThatOneWolf
No comments:
Post a Comment