Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Dream Job Offer.


As some of you may know I have struggled with finding work as a multimedia expert, and have struggled just as hard to find any work at all up until three years ago because somehow I could not get anyone to hire me anywhere. However, once I did break into being a sales rep, I quickly found my way up the ladder, and have been in a few positions which I was quite happy with. However I still hold out hope of finding a great 3D multimedia position. 

So imagine my surprise when I get a phone call out of the blue from a company looking for just that. It was a position for a 3D specialist with my skill set. So I interviewed with him on the phone.
Now what I somehow missed was the fact that this position was in the Dallas/Arlington area, and that I would have to move away from my family, and convince my fiancé to move with me as well. Still I heard him out, and was really interested in finding out more. I did not hear from him again for another month or two but when I did. I realized that is was indeed in Arlington, TX, but that it was basically my dream job as a multimedia 3D expert.

So this set up the interview with the actual client where there were misunderstandings a plenty. But I seemed to impress them.

From then on I waited a few weeks to hear back, and when I finally was contacted it was by another 3rd party hiring firm who was in charge of salary details, and start date. I informed them of my salary requirements, and my starting date. I also let them know I would want to put in my two week notice for my current position. They agreed and informed me that they would get back to me.

On April first however I received a phone call from my contact informing me that I had been selected for the position, that they had not only accepted my salary requirements, but actually raised them by $5,000 a year, and were going to pay me a $2,500 relocation fee. I was extremely excited as anyone would be that all of the sudden my dream job had fallen into my lap, and was planning to pay me enough money to make up for all the years of trying. To top it off the position was with a combination of two huge game companies I've always wanted to work for.

I was then told that I should put in my two week notice immediately, we set a start date, and I was told that I would receive the emailed job offer that Friday or Monday at the latest. However...Friday came and went, along with Monday…I called my contact there and there was no answer. I then emailed the first person who emailed me asking for the offer letter and received an odd response.

“This requirement is taken care by Seema she will reach you directly if we need to schedule interviews with the customer.”-Sunil.

To which I replied

“You seem to have misunderstood. I was offered the position. Seema called me, offered me the position, and told me to put in my two week notice. After that I did not hear from her again. This does not seem like a normal thing to do to someone so I was wondering if I could receive the offer letter, otherwise there is nothing to the job offer.”

His next response was just as odd. “Please coordinate with Seema. Excuse typos!”-Sunil
The problem was that Seema apparently did not answer her phone. So I asked Sunil for her email address. He did not respond. The next day I asked him again, and it wasn’t until the next day that he gave me her email address. I then decided to write her.
“Seema,
You offered me this position April first, you told me to put my two week notice in, and you never called me back. I have called your number several times. I have left a message with you. I have emailed Sunil, and other contact people in your company. I am at a loss as to why somebody would offer someone a job, tell them to leave their stable job and then never contact them again. I really feel like this needs an explanation.”
She actually responded to me with this…

“I apologize for any confusion but when we talked, I mentioned the position is almost confirmed but I still needed the written confirmation from the client and I will get back to you with the joining date if we will proceed with your hiring.

 I also tried reaching your number two times and left a voice message too but never got a call back on my cell number as requested so thought you would not have been interested in further discussions.”
Right…so…I wrote her back…

“I received no phone calls, no voicemails, and no emails. I can only assume you have my email and possibly you got my phone number wrong? I do have the job offer phone call recorded and have re-listened to it. There was no confusion. I was offered the job, I was told to put my two week notice on April 2nd, and you told me that I would receive the offer letter by Friday, or Monday at the latest.
You also told me you would send me an email that night confirming that I was chosen to take the position. So I'm still confused by this. I could've put in my two week notice and ended up jobless at this point.”
Her final response to me was very similar to all the others. She completely missed the point.

“As I talked to you to find out if you were still available for that position and when you would be able to join. After that the position went on hold from the client side and did not proceed with your hiring.
 I tried reaching you over the phone and ended up in leaving the voice message. I did not try calling you after two times as was not even sure if have been reaching you on the correct number. Again, I sincerely apologize for all this.”

So here you have it. One call out of the blue, several interviews, one life changing job offer, a request to leave my job that could’ve ruined my life, and one “sincere apology.” I wasn’t sure what to write back, but I decided I would ask for the offer letter anyway to shop around town for a similar position.  
                                                                                                                                


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"Borrowed Time" Short Film Script Treatment




a short story by Nathan McConnell Soon to be a 3D animated short film.
I need your help making it a reality. Please donate and share if you can.
Click here to see my indiegogo campaign!

(The vibe I'm going for the entire time is an inescapable nightmare for the hero who goes from terrified to unstoppably angry several times as the energy he borrows from his lifeline courses into him.)
The heroes name is Farrell which is Gaelic for "brave"

    On a now calm and quiet street he kneels behind a parked car clutching his chest with his left hand, trying to catch his breath and steady his heartbeat. (He sits on the ground with his back to the middle of a car like a runner taking a break covered in sweat and his head against the vehicle to mislead the audience)

A deep voice yells out "Where are you!?" (The heroes eyes shoot open in fear as he turns his attention from recovering to the unseen enemy. He turns his head toward the car in fear as if he can see through the vehicle and isn't sure where the enemy is.)

as a small 2 door car hits the ground just a few feet behind the car he is kneeling by. (Camera angle changes to show the hero watch the thrown vehicle fly in slow motion over the car he is kneeling by and slamming into the ground buckling under it's own weight landing on it's front end then tipping onto it's back as he scurries closer to the vehicle to avoid the crash.)

He closes his eyes and starts breathing slowly and deeply…"not yet…come on" he thinks, as he reaches inside himself to find the strength to continue the fight.

(Somehow showing him draw energy from his future lifespan.)

     As he hears his attacker drawing near he feels the rain come down again. He knows with the sound the water brings to his skin he will certainly be found. (The hero looks up at the sky again to watch the droplets fall. Possible close-up and camera riding down with the droplets one of which lands on his cheek alerting the enemy.) (Camera finally shows the enemy as he turns his head sharply 90 degrees after hearing the droplet on the heroes skin) 

Knowing that he is no longer hidden forces the kneeling hero to act. (Show the hero stealing energy from his future) Before his enemy realizes his presence he stands from behind the car (action one) and with a swift motion he turns toward his enemy (action two), and flips the car on its side in the air. (action three) He then leaps up and toward the car and kicks it as hard as he can toward the unstoppable adversary. (runs at the car as it moves slowly into the air and kicks it with both feet leaning on his left side in the air landing on his feet facing away)

The car hits with great force as the assailant looks up from his bleeding hand. (The enemies point of view looking at his hand covered in blood) A lightning bolt crawls across the sky like a mother looking for a child, (Lightning crawls across the sky in slow motion) only to be followed by the deep roar of a father's call. (which brings things back to normal speed)

As the thunder hits the car is returned to our hero with the same speed that it left. (the enemy isn't shown hitting the car back but the sound of the thunder is the return) (the car is barreling in the air toward him)(Camera view behind the hero) He thinks to himself "No time…" as a look of fear is replaced by anger. (Camera shows his face) (Show the hero stealing energy from his future) He leaps toward the car and hops over the middle at the last second trying to gain the element of surprise (He hops up and over kicking the car back to the ground and launching off of it in profile view) only to find his enemy came with the now demolished vehicle. (He sees monster running at him as he himself hits the ground. View from behind Hero)

 With the sound and rumble of a full force thunder strike they meet causing a bubble of energy, dust, and sound. (side view as they run at each other and their fists slam together and a shockwave grows and envelops them) Moments later the bubble shatters like a bomb in a glass casing causing and even louder explosion (second internal shockwave grows and meets the first) and throwing both adversaries into buildings across from each other. (show one at a time hitting buildings across from each other) The hero's "tomb" collapses on him, as the monstrous foe stands from his. (Show the hero stealing energy from his future)

 A giant flash across the street from the enemy reminds him that he has not yet won. The building pieces now no more than dust in the rain, pour onto the enemy as a bleeding hero stands with pants ripped and shirt vaporized. (The enemy stands shocked and takes a step back before recovering his composure and snarling) He stands across his enemy with as much power as his torn body could hold, his eyes glowing with rage, (Head somewhat down with arms at his side showing his energy)

when across the radio he hears his name (Farrell) from a terrified woman and then the words he was waiting to hear…(keeping the same face he looks down and over at the radio) "Were safe! We made it! Get out of there! please! Please Go!" (view of the radio in the rubble) His enemy looks up at him from the radio, and with a ghostly look of shock on his face he speaks…"you…you're insane…you knew all along and you still…" 

 Before he could finish, (Show the hero stealing energy from his future) the hero drew even more strength in and appeared in front of his enemy with one final blow destroying the chest and heart of the once proud monster (side shot showing the heroes hand pierce the enemies chest). As he falls to the ground, our hero steps back several steps. (Show from behind heroes shoulder, camera panning to show the enemy kneeling and clutching his chest in agony cursing the hero )

He looks at the radio and smiles (tired eyed smiles knowing he had used the last of his timeline)…he looks at his battered left palm to feel the rain one last time (The heroes point of view watching the blood be cleaned off his bruised hand by the rain) ..."ok…" he says…."Now…" (camera angle from the ground looking up at him as he looks down and closes his eyes smiling) He then collapses to the ground as every ounce of energy leaves his lifeless body. (sky view looking down and raising  into the sky)

(ending music with record scratches and credits) 

(Hoping to get this artist to allow this song.)
(Emergency siren starts over music.) (music stops and vinyl scratching continues)
(After credit sequence) (the sirens continue)
(Show the enemies hand move, and grasp the rubble on the ground) (He looks up from the ground enraged) "You stupid human! (deep breath) "you...!" (the enemy looks around to find no one as the wind blows. He looks confused and in pain and notices up in the sky a flicker)
(He squints to try and look closer only to see a missile change direction toward the center of the town where he is) "no!" (he slams his fist on the ground and yells out with rage in his voice as the missile hits) (Just outside of town camera view showing it hit and the camera shatters,  and end of broadcast signal noise sounds.)


Monday, April 28, 2014

I'm going to lose my sanity...whatever's left in the jar anyways.

Allow me to explain my job searching predicament as an adult with Aspergers over the last 10+ years. Since I left high-school I have only had a handful of jobs

My first job was at Tuesday Morning and I only received it because my mother came and guilted them into hiring me. When I finally left there to go to college I managed to get a short gig at Gamestop seasonally because I had a friend there, which ended when almost everyone was stealing (except me) and everyone including seasonal was fired. Or in my case not renewed.

My third job was at Spencer's Gifts  in the Woodlands Mall which I only got because a friend got me in and it was only to help build the new store which turned into a job because I'm a hard worker. From then I had a very short gig at a really stupid portrait studio with a bunch of petty gossiping idiots who had it out for me. That lasted a month. I worked on and off for a friend's Art Gallery as a manager/graphic designer. Then I worked at Randall's in the deli section until I finally got a gig being a sales rep for Lenovo.

I started part time and within a month I was promoted to full time Market Development Manager for all of South Houston. That is until the contract ended, and I was offered a miniscule seriously part time position as an Intel rep with the same company...Not enough to live on.  So I moved on to a part time rep for Samsung...

The sad part? I've had 10 jobs in 10 years, almost all of them involved somebody begging for me to get the job, and almost none of the jobs lasted more than a couple months. I've spent more time being unemployed than I have being employed in the last 10 years. And not for lack of trying. I've tried to both find jobs and make money in many a failed way...

In person: 
Cold calls, visiting shops on foot, friends attempting to get me interviews/positions, visiting job seminars, and job fairs.

Job Placement services: 
Creative Group, Creative Circle, Ashley Ellis, Teksystems, Texas Workforce Commission, Insperity, and Autum's Dawn, as well as several other job placement services.

Online:
My personal website, LinkedIn, Monster, Indeed, Simplyhired, Careerbuilder, Behance, Elance, Odesk, freelancer.com, Professional Facebook, Deviatart, and Deviantart portfolio,Craigslist, Plus youtube, Vimeo, and others including various 3D model / music selling sites.

Places I've applied for that I can remember: 
Best Buy, Office Depot, Office Max, Staples, Fry's, Blockbuster, Gamestop, Starbucks, McCDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendy's, JC Penny's Sears, TJ Max, Chipotle, Circuit City, Target, Walmart, Subway, and hundreds more...

99.9% of the things I've applied for never even bothered to write me back. I've had maybe 25 interviews in 10 years, and the majority of them ended with "no thank you." The money making endeavers have ended with me being awarded zero projects on project sites, zero dollars selling things on ebay, and craigslist, and around $40 making and selling 3D models. Nothing I do does anything at all, and it doesn't seem to matter what it is.

I am a multimedia graphic artist. I use 15+ programs. I went to an art highschool, I have a degree. I have a portfolio/website, and I have zero prospects. I have tried everything. I've tried job placement, I've tried cold calling, I've tried project bidding sites, I've tried running my own business, I've broken down and got help from a government agency who made me get re-diagnosed with aspergers so they could hook me up with job placement companies who also failed me.

I can't keep doing this. I don't know where to start. At all. It honestly feels like I am marked. Like there is some human consensus not to let me in, to let me win, to let me be a part of anything at all. As crazy as I'm sure anybody reading that thinks it sounds it's not.

I spent my entire life trying to learn to act like neurotypicals, and in my success I have given them a reason to fear me. I am stuck in the uncanny valley where I am just far/close enough to normal to be terrifying. I see the same stupid look on peoples faces every day. I usually don't care but when the neurotypicals are the gatekeeper of your career it kind of matters.

I'm tired of stupid advice, I'm tired of hollow kind words, I'm tired of top ten "what to do lists" about careers. I'm tired of trying day in and day out, and I'm tired of years and years, and 100's of people blaming me for not trying hard enough, or doing the right thing, or claiming I'm some sort of self saboteur. So I'm just going to say it. Here's what I want. My supposed Dream job.

My dream job is to create 3D animation and Motion graphics projects for a company or as a freelancer while working on my own shorts, tv shows, movies, games whatever. I have a lot in my head that I want to do, but the longer I do this stupid game of cat and mouse the less strength I have to do any of it.

Like right now...I'm seriously done writing.

For now...

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Ever Enlightening Secrets of Mana.


          Growing up my favorite video game was Secret of Mana on Super Nintendo. The hero in it finds out all at once that he is special, of great importance, one of a chosen few who held such a special place in that world. That always jived with how I felt about myself, and what I wanted the differences in me to mean.

           I wanted it to mean that there was some great calling, some amazing event that I would not only partake in, but cause, drive, and, see through. Something so life changing...world changing, that the people who questioned my importance would stand in silence awestruck by the knowledge that what happened was real.

            I don't remember what I used to call him, as each time I played through I gave him a name that resembled who I was at that time, but it was me. The whole thing. His closest friends mocked him for being different, his surrogate father treated him like he didn't belong there. His real father had disappeared on some sort of hopeless quest reappearing too late to do anything other than sum up what was already learned up until that point. All of it...

            And at the very beginning of the game, as he finds out his importance he is blamed for all hell breaking loose, charged with fixing it, and banished from the only home he'd ever known.

"Have everything you need?"
[Yes]
"You are hereby banished from Potos village. Now get out of here!"

            This has been a recurring theme in my life, as I'm sure it is in many other peoples. Different lives, different friends, different surroundings.

" But time flows like a river...and history repeats."

           I've been banished from Potos more times than I can count now, and I am currently recovering from the most recent. My home, my family, my world once again taken from me, and I can never go back. These aren't just words. Sometimes it kills me inside so much that I have to remind myself that I can't get back there just to put to rest the possibility. It was so bad that for the first 4 months I had to convince myself it was true as I woke.

            My family recently shattered. My surrogate father no longer a part of my life. My original father present but too late to do anything but narrate cohesively what I already know to be true with some questionable variables. My home left behind. Banished from what I knew. again...

            But in the game none of the hero's importance, none of his significance comes through until he is banished from his home unable to return.

            So tonight I was hoping. That this...this is when mine comes through for me. I am in a new job that is enabling me to move on with my life, with the woman I love whom I hope to have a family with, and break the curse as a father that I endured as a son. Now that I am out of the reach of my surrogates father's negative perceptions of me I am slowly realizing my potential, my worth, and my place in a world where I may or may not belong.

            There is nothing about me that is normal, or believable for that matter. All of the things that make me up seem like they could be made up by an overzealous writer who's biggest flaw is writing characters with too much going on. It's like I don't exist, sometimes it's like I shouldn't, but what I'm starting to realize is...

            If I am real...and what I say is true...if what I can do lives up to even half of what some of the people around me think I can...then I must be destined for something. Something much more than I have ever given myself credit for before.

            So now here I am in a place somewhere between the pain of leaving Potos, and the knowledge that I am on my way to something more. Where I will go places, meet people, and do things I would never have the courage or honor of doing if I hadn't been given the benefaction of being banished...from a place where I was just...that weird kid in Potos wondering why I was so different, and waiting for some sign of my own importance.
  
 So I guess for that I should thank you.
so...thank you. 
Now I'm off to find my Mana Sword.
-thatonewolf



Soundtrack part 1:
Soundtrack part 2:



Monday, May 7, 2012

Using GABA Supplement for Aspergers


I have Aspergers syndrome, and I heard a supplement called GABA had some effects on aspie problems. So I decided to try it. There were several different varieties online but since patience is not my favorite virtue I went to vitamin world. There I found "GABA Plus" which also has Niacin, and Inositol in it. all of which have varied medical benefits.
 supplement
--------------------------
Increase in the level of Human Growth Hormones (HGH)
Induces relaxation and sleep
Reduces muscle tension
Reduces stress, anxiety and depression
Promotes well being

GABA is produced in the human brain and functions as a balancer, maintains balance between the body and the mind in states of excitation. GABA supplement aids several complications including Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD, hypertension or HBP, obesity, insomnia, alcoholism and many more. It is also a great help in treating mental blocks.

GABA supplements are helpful for any active individuals, bodybuilders and athletes. They help in enhancing the body’s muscle mass, which is GABA’s conductive anabolic property and its lipotropic property helps in fat reduction and weight loss programs, simultaneously.

High Cholesterol, Atherosclerosis and Heart Disease, Diabetes, Osteoarthritis, Alzheimer's disease, Cataracts, Skin conditions, Researchers are also studying the use of vitamin B3 in treating ADHD, migraines, dizziness, depression, motion sickness, and alcohol dependence.

 is used for diabetic nerve pain, panic disorder, high cholesterol, insomnia, cancer, depression, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s disease, attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, promoting hair growth, a skin disorder called psoriasis, and treating side effects of medical treatment with lithium.

Here is the brand I've been using that includes all 3.
http://www.vitaminworld.com/b-vitamins-803/gaba-plus-caps-008906
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So here is my one week, day by day, play by play of the results of taking this supplement.

Day One:
Within 30 minutes of taking it I started feeling calmer and slightly more positive. I was out in public and wasn't too bothered by it.

Day Two:
Mind is clearer, feeling positive, and handling certain situations better. Best of all I still feel like me. By the end of day two. My visual focus is much more clear, and I feel like I'm inside my body instead of inside my head. Also I'm feeling "sleepy" at night like I'm supposed to for the first time in a while.

Day Three:
It's easier to be "in the moment" and still feel positive even though I'm running into problems. also senses work better. Eating a corn beef and pastrami sandwich at Jason's Deli. I taste more flavors at once and smell and see better. Came home and played "Dead Nation" a 2 player high pressure zombie game for ps3 (It can get very overwhelming) I managed to focus through the ambushes where before, me and my friend would get flustered at times and get killed.

(This is also the day I gave him to gaba's to try and he liked it so much we went and got him a bottle after Jason's.) By the end of the day I noticed my eyes are able to switch focus near and far quickly, I was able to switch between the etchings of stars on window glass, and the tv's at the bar way behind it very quickly. Also, just noticed I was walking standing up straight. Weird. Sleepy when I'm supposed to be. Calm, positive, more self-aware, sensing and processing more information.

Day Four:
Went to sleep at 12am an woke at 630am fully rested and can't make myself go back to sleep which is completely out of character. Also falling asleep last night was even easier because my muscles are way less tense. I had less pain at night, and when I breathed in and out I could sense calm instead of stress. I decided today to try my kung-fu and see how different I was. I was much faster, and in control. I was also able to switch between movements faster, and think of what to do next several steps ahead of time.

Day Five:
Went to Galveston home tour with my girlfriend, and I can remember the whole day. Dealt with people for hours at a time, but not emotionally drained. Finally feel like I'm not missing out on memories because I'm able to watch everything, and interact with it more freely. Came home and fixed some major problems at home which should've stressed me out. But when I was done and my girlfriend started massaging my shoulder blades they just moved around loosely because my muscles are so loose. Usually my entire back is all in knots.

Day Six:
I have never felt this aware, positive, and in control of myself than on this supplement. I no longer feel depressed a lot of the time, my illogical fears just don't seem to affect me. I'm able to talk to people and respond to them better. Eye contact comes easier, my muscles no longer hurt, and I don't feel tense. And I no longer have random aches and pains. I no longer feel like I'm not on my game, or that my vision has blinders on the sides where I can only focus on what's in front of me.

Verdict:
As an aspie this supplement has helped me with quite a lot of problems that have haunted me for a while. I feel more alive, and in control of my thoughts and actions. I'm less forgetful, and have better access to my vocabulary where I was recently coming up short I'm able to walk in the "human world" and talk with various people, and not feel threatened and easily misunderstood. I did not expect the added benefits of stress relief, muscle tension, and repair, pain relief, physical speed increase, and various other things.

I would definitely suggest even a 1 month trial to see what it can do for you. The Vitamin World GABA Plus supplement cost $16-$20 for 50 days worth if your taking two a day. Considering the benefits I've received from this supplement I hope it helps other people as well. I have my sister, and a close friend of mine on it, and both of them were hooked on the first try.


UPDATE:7/20/2012

I started taking the GABA supplement May 1st, it is now July 20th almost 4 months later.
I have never felt better than I do now. On another note there are two new amazing discoveries.

1: Several old severe injuries have been healing during the night. 
   A: A torn muscle that never healed from 2 years back decided to un-knott and heal up completly.
   B: A dislocated big toe from 3 years back that never healed is now stronger than ever.
   C: Another dislocated digit that had a tendon snap is now stronger, and I believe the tendon is back.

2: And I am ecstatic about this one. Male pattern baldness runs in my family, and due to the stress over the years had sped up pretty bad. Here we are 4 months in and not only have the patches in my facial hair filled in (unrelated, not sure what the original problem was) but every follicle on my head is now growing a new hair. They come in completely see through, and then end up filling in the normal color.

I'll update again if I find anything else. For the record this is the brand I have been using.
http://www.vitaminworld.com/b-vitamins-803/gaba-plus-caps-008906