The Dream Job Offer.

As some of you may know I have struggled with finding work as a multimedia expert, and have struggled just as hard to find any work at all up until three years ago because somehow I could not get anyone to hire me anywhere. However, once I did break into being a sales rep, I quickly found my way up the ladder, and have been in a few positions which I was quite happy with. However I still hold out hope of finding a great 3D multimedia position. 

So imagine my surprise when I get a phone call out of the blue from a company looking for just that. It was a position for a 3D specialist with my skill set. So I interviewed with him on the phone.

Now what I somehow missed was the fact that this position was in the Dallas/Arlington area, and that I would have to move away from my family, and convince my fiancé to move with me as well. Still I heard him out, and was really interested in finding out more. I did not hear from him again for another month or two but when I did. I realized that is was indeed in Arlington, TX, but that it was basically my dream job as a multimedia 3D expert.

So this set up the interview with the actual client where there were misunderstandings a plenty. But I seemed to impress them.

From then on I waited a few weeks to hear back, and when I finally was contacted it was by another 3^rd party hiring firm who was in charge of salary details, and start date. I informed them of my salary requirements, and my starting date. I also let them know I would want to put in my two week notice for my current position. They agreed and informed me that they would get back to me.

On April first however I received a phone call from my contact informing me that I had been selected for the position, that they had not only accepted my salary requirements, but actually raised them by $5,000 a year, and were going to pay me a $2,500 relocation fee. I was extremely excited as anyone would be that all of the sudden my dream job had fallen into my lap, and was planning to pay me enough money to make up for all the years of trying. To top it off the position was with a combination of two huge game companies I've always wanted to work for.

I was then told that I should put in my two week notice immediately, we set a start date, and I was told that I would receive the emailed job offer that Friday or Monday at the latest. However...Friday came and went, along with Monday…I called my contact there and there was no answer. I then emailed the first person who emailed me asking for the offer letter and received an odd response.

“This requirement is taken care by Seema she will reach you directly if we need to schedule interviews with the customer.”-Sunil.

To which I replied

“You seem to have misunderstood. I was offered the position. Seema called me, offered me the position, and told me to put in my two week notice. After that I did not hear from her again. This does not seem like a normal thing to do to someone so I was wondering if I could receive the offer letter, otherwise there is nothing to the job offer.”

His next response was just as odd. “Please coordinate with Seema. Excuse typos!”-Sunil

The problem was that Seema apparently did not answer her phone. So I asked Sunil for her email address. He did not respond. The next day I asked him again, and it wasn’t until the next day that he gave me her email address. I then decided to write her.

“Seema,

You offered me this position April first, you told me to put my two week notice in, and you never called me back. I have called your number several times. I have left a message with you. I have emailed Sunil, and other contact people in your company. I am at a loss as to why somebody would offer someone a job, tell them to leave their stable job and then never contact them again. I really feel like this needs an explanation.”

She actually responded to me with this…

“I apologize for any confusion but when we talked, I mentioned the position is almost confirmed but I still needed the written confirmation from the client and I will get back to you with the joining date if we will proceed with your hiring.

 I also tried reaching your number two times and left a voice message too but never got a call back on my cell number as requested so thought you would not have been interested in further discussions.”

Right…so…I wrote her back…

“I received no phone calls, no voicemails, and no emails. I can only assume you have my email and possibly you got my phone number wrong? I do have the job offer phone call recorded and have re-listened to it. There was no confusion. I was offered the job, I was told to put my two week notice on April 2nd, and you told me that I would receive the offer letter by Friday, or Monday at the latest.

You also told me you would send me an email that night confirming that I was chosen to take the position. So I'm still confused by this. I could've put in my two week notice and ended up jobless at this point.”

Her final response to me was very similar to all the others. She completely missed the point.

“As I talked to you to find out if you were still available for that position and when you would be able to join. After that the position went on hold from the client side and did not proceed with your hiring.

 I tried reaching you over the phone and ended up in leaving the voice message. I did not try calling you after two times as was not even sure if have been reaching you on the correct number. Again, I sincerely apologize for all this.”

So here you have it. One call out of the blue, several interviews, one life changing job offer, a request to leave my job that could’ve ruined my life, and one “sincere apology.” I wasn’t sure what to write back, but I decided I would ask for the offer letter anyway to shop around town for a similar position.  

                                                                                                                                

"Borrowed Time" Short Film Script Treatment

a short story by Nathan McConnell Soon to be a 3D animated short film.
I need your help making it a reality. Please donate and share if you can.
Click here to see my indiegogo campaign!

(The vibe I'm going for the entire time is an inescapable nightmare for the hero who goes from terrified to unstoppably angry several times as the energy he borrows from his lifeline courses into him.)

The heroes name is Farrell which is Gaelic for "brave"

    On a now calm and quiet street he kneels behind a parked car clutching his chest with his left hand, trying to catch his breath and steady his heartbeat. (He sits on the ground with his back to the middle of a car like a runner taking a break covered in sweat and his head against the vehicle to mislead the audience)

A deep voice yells out "Where are you!?" (The heroes eyes shoot open in fear as he turns his attention from recovering to the unseen enemy. He turns his head toward the car in fear as if he can see through the vehicle and isn't sure where the enemy is.)

as a small 2 door car hits the ground just a few feet behind the car he is kneeling by. (Camera angle changes to show the hero watch the thrown vehicle fly in slow motion over the car he is kneeling by and slamming into the ground buckling under it's own weight landing on it's front end then tipping onto it's back as he scurries closer to the vehicle to avoid the crash.)

He closes his eyes and starts breathing slowly and deeply…"not yet…come on" he thinks, as he reaches inside himself to find the strength to continue the fight.

(Somehow showing him draw energy from his future lifespan.)

     As he hears his attacker drawing near he feels the rain come down again. He knows with the sound the water brings to his skin he will certainly be found. (The hero looks up at the sky again to watch the droplets fall. Possible close-up and camera riding down with the droplets one of which lands on his cheek alerting the enemy.) (Camera finally shows the enemy as he turns his head sharply 90 degrees after hearing the droplet on the heroes skin) 

Knowing that he is no longer hidden forces the kneeling hero to act. (Show the hero stealing energy from his future) Before his enemy realizes his presence he stands from behind the car (action one) and with a swift motion he turns toward his enemy (action two), and flips the car on its side in the air. (action three) He then leaps up and toward the car and kicks it as hard as he can toward the unstoppable adversary. (runs at the car as it moves slowly into the air and kicks it with both feet leaning on his left side in the air landing on his feet facing away)

The car hits with great force as the assailant looks up from his bleeding hand. (The enemies point of view looking at his hand covered in blood) A lightning bolt crawls across the sky like a mother looking for a child, (Lightning crawls across the sky in slow motion) only to be followed by the deep roar of a father's call. (which brings things back to normal speed)

As the thunder hits the car is returned to our hero with the same speed that it left. (the enemy isn't shown hitting the car back but the sound of the thunder is the return) (the car is barreling in the air toward him)(Camera view behind the hero) He thinks to himself "No time…" as a look of fear is replaced by anger. (Camera shows his face) (Show the hero stealing energy from his future) He leaps toward the car and hops over the middle at the last second trying to gain the element of surprise (He hops up and over kicking the car back to the ground and launching off of it in profile view) only to find his enemy came with the now demolished vehicle. (He sees monster running at him as he himself hits the ground. View from behind Hero)

 With the sound and rumble of a full force thunder strike they meet causing a bubble of energy, dust, and sound. (side view as they run at each other and their fists slam together and a shockwave grows and envelops them) Moments later the bubble shatters like a bomb in a glass casing causing and even louder explosion (second internal shockwave grows and meets the first) and throwing both adversaries into buildings across from each other. (show one at a time hitting buildings across from each other) The hero's "tomb" collapses on him, as the monstrous foe stands from his. (Show the hero stealing energy from his future)

 A giant flash across the street from the enemy reminds him that he has not yet won. The building pieces now no more than dust in the rain, pour onto the enemy as a bleeding hero stands with pants ripped and shirt vaporized. (The enemy stands shocked and takes a step back before recovering his composure and snarling) He stands across his enemy with as much power as his torn body could hold, his eyes glowing with rage, (Head somewhat down with arms at his side showing his energy)

when across the radio he hears his name (Farrell) from a terrified woman and then the words he was waiting to hear…(keeping the same face he looks down and over at the radio) "Were safe! We made it! Get out of there! please! Please Go!" (view of the radio in the rubble) His enemy looks up at him from the radio, and with a ghostly look of shock on his face he speaks…"you…you're insane…you knew all along and you still…" 

 Before he could finish, (Show the hero stealing energy from his future) the hero drew even more strength in and appeared in front of his enemy with one final blow destroying the chest and heart of the once proud monster (side shot showing the heroes hand pierce the enemies chest). As he falls to the ground, our hero steps back several steps. (Show from behind heroes shoulder, camera panning to show the enemy kneeling and clutching his chest in agony cursing the hero )

He looks at the radio and smiles (tired eyed smiles knowing he had used the last of his timeline)…he looks at his battered left palm to feel the rain one last time (The heroes point of view watching the blood be cleaned off his bruised hand by the rain) ..."ok…" he says…."Now…" (camera angle from the ground looking up at him as he looks down and closes his eyes smiling) He then collapses to the ground as every ounce of energy leaves his lifeless body. (sky view looking down and raising  into the sky)

(ending music with record scratches and credits) 

(Hoping to get this artist to allow this song.)

(Emergency siren starts over music.) (music stops and vinyl scratching continues)

(After credit sequence) (the sirens continue)

(Show the enemies hand move, and grasp the rubble on the ground) (He looks up from the ground enraged) "You stupid human! (deep breath) "you...!" (the enemy looks around to find no one as the wind blows. He looks confused and in pain and notices up in the sky a flicker)

(He squints to try and look closer only to see a missile change direction toward the center of the town where he is) "no!" (he slams his fist on the ground and yells out with rage in his voice as the missile hits) (Just outside of town camera view showing it hit and the camera shatters,  and end of broadcast signal noise sounds.)

I'm going to lose my sanity...whatever's left in the jar anyways.

Allow me to explain my job searching predicament as an adult with Aspergers over the last 10+ years. Since I left high-school I have only had a handful of jobs

My first job was at Tuesday Morning and I only received it because my mother came and guilted them into hiring me. When I finally left there to go to college I managed to get a short gig at Gamestop seasonally because I had a friend there, which ended when almost everyone was stealing (except me) and everyone including seasonal was fired. Or in my case not renewed.

My third job was at Spencer's Gifts  in the Woodlands Mall which I only got because a friend got me in and it was only to help build the new store which turned into a job because I'm a hard worker. From then I had a very short gig at a really stupid portrait studio with a bunch of petty gossiping idiots who had it out for me. That lasted a month. I worked on and off for a friend's Art Gallery as a manager/graphic designer. Then I worked at Randall's in the deli section until I finally got a gig being a sales rep for Lenovo.

I started part time and within a month I was promoted to full time Market Development Manager for all of South Houston. That is until the contract ended, and I was offered a miniscule seriously part time position as an Intel rep with the same company...Not enough to live on.  So I moved on to a part time rep for Samsung...

The sad part? I've had 10 jobs in 10 years, almost all of them involved somebody begging for me to get the job, and almost none of the jobs lasted more than a couple months. I've spent more time being unemployed than I have being employed in the last 10 years. And not for lack of trying. I've tried to both find jobs and make money in many a failed way...

In person: 
Cold calls, visiting shops on foot, friends attempting to get me interviews/positions, visiting job seminars, and job fairs.

Job Placement services: 
Creative Group, Creative Circle, Ashley Ellis, Teksystems, Texas Workforce Commission, Insperity, and Autum's Dawn, as well as several other job placement services.

Online:
My personal website, LinkedIn, Monster, Indeed, Simplyhired, Careerbuilder, Behance, Elance, Odesk, freelancer.com, Professional Facebook, Deviatart, and Deviantart portfolio,Craigslist, Plus youtube, Vimeo, and others including various 3D model / music selling sites.

Places I've applied for that I can remember: 
Best Buy, Office Depot, Office Max, Staples, Fry's, Blockbuster, Gamestop, Starbucks, McCDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendy's, JC Penny's Sears, TJ Max, Chipotle, Circuit City, Target, Walmart, Subway, and hundreds more...

99.9% of the things I've applied for never even bothered to write me back. I've had maybe 25 interviews in 10 years, and the majority of them ended with "no thank you." The money making endeavers have ended with me being awarded zero projects on project sites, zero dollars selling things on ebay, and craigslist, and around $40 making and selling 3D models. Nothing I do does anything at all, and it doesn't seem to matter what it is.

I am a multimedia graphic artist. I use 15+ programs. I went to an art highschool, I have a degree. I have a portfolio/website, and I have zero prospects. I have tried everything. I've tried job placement, I've tried cold calling, I've tried project bidding sites, I've tried running my own business, I've broken down and got help from a government agency who made me get re-diagnosed with aspergers so they could hook me up with job placement companies who also failed me.

I can't keep doing this. I don't know where to start. At all. It honestly feels like I am marked. Like there is some human consensus not to let me in, to let me win, to let me be a part of anything at all. As crazy as I'm sure anybody reading that thinks it sounds it's not.

I spent my entire life trying to learn to act like neurotypicals, and in my success I have given them a reason to fear me. I am stuck in the uncanny valley where I am just far/close enough to normal to be terrifying. I see the same stupid look on peoples faces every day. I usually don't care but when the neurotypicals are the gatekeeper of your career it kind of matters.

I'm tired of stupid advice, I'm tired of hollow kind words, I'm tired of top ten "what to do lists" about careers. I'm tired of trying day in and day out, and I'm tired of years and years, and 100's of people blaming me for not trying hard enough, or doing the right thing, or claiming I'm some sort of self saboteur. So I'm just going to say it. Here's what I want. My supposed Dream job.

My dream job is to create 3D animation and Motion graphics projects for a company or as a freelancer while working on my own shorts, tv shows, movies, games whatever. I have a lot in my head that I want to do, but the longer I do this stupid game of cat and mouse the less strength I have to do any of it.

Like right now...I'm seriously done writing.

For now...

Use your words...Use your words...

Foreward: I DO have people who care about me and understand me including my fiance. And there are people I see and meet who act fine around me, but for everyone else this pretty much applies. I do see myself as something other than human because A: I do have aspergers, and B: Because I have rarely been treated like "one of us."  If you read this and think I'm crazy, you are probably stupid and part of the problem. In that case I do "apologize" for being "wrong" about things that I know to be true. Enjoy.
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Use my words...? Use my words?...Ok.

As someone with Autism I have tried for 29 years (give or take) to adopt this foreign culture. The human culture (just go with it). To learn things like sarcasm, lies, flawed logic, and reasoning. When to do what, when not to say or to say something. Yet here I am in the same boat I was at the beginning.

When I open my mouth around humans, (unless they interact with me on a daily basis), they hear what I say, but rearranged into a completely different meaning.

I say: "I can't believe this stupid commercial forcing that kid to portray the old stereotype of the whiny Jewish person."
They hear: "I hate whiny Jewish people."
All of the sudden I have a break room full of Best Buy people staring at me like a neo nazi.

(More examples at the end of this blog.)

The point is....I get it. I'm not to be trusted. I'm not to be played with. I'm not part of the group, I can't be part of the team, and I can't take part in any reindeer games. All because of the idiotic misconception that I'm some sort of monster. Well I'm not a monster. I'm a wolf amongst dogs. I'm like you, but only enough to scare you. I exist in the Uncanny valley which by definition is...

"The uncanny valley is a hypothesis in the field of human aesthetics which holds that when human features look and move almost, but not exactly, like natural human beings, it causes a response of revulsion among some human observers." This term is usually reserved for 3D animations, and robots but yeah...Pretty much the same here.

So again...I see you ignoring me. I see you working and playing with other people who may not even have what I have to offer if only to avoid working or playing with me. I'm not an idiot. Just a monster. I've had 20 people claim they were going to vouch for me at their job and try to get me in. Not one of those had any follow through. They just went right back to avoidance. Cowardice.

Nobody writes me back when I apply for jobs, nobody writes me back when I write them on facebook, or linkedin, or any other site, and most of the time when I speak to someone in person they act like I have no right to do so, and question the legitimacy of everything I say. Standing there trying to find out just exactly how I'm trying to trick them or screw them over with my statements of things I suggest, or places I talk about.

Yeah I told you about Chinatown just you can go randomly some day and somehow I'll just know, and be there to mug you or something. Makes perfect sense. Why else would I have told you about it?

No I totally told you about Glucosomine to trick you into taking something poisonous that they sell at every grocery store on the planet, and not because you were talking about how your joints hurting when you dance. Take the advice and shut up.

I mean, do these people hear themselves talk? I can't even go to a restaurant, and order without having some stupid human act like I'm trying to trick them with their stupid fearful face. The look. The stupid look on these peoples faces.

29 years of the same stupid face. Every person I meet has the same stupid look on their face when they think something is up. A cross between disbelief, worrying, cockiness, and revulsion. A similar look you would get as a nerdy guy approaching the popular girls tablet. (Half the time with no cockiness.) But always the same stupid look.

Imagine how lonely it is...Seriously sit down and think about it. I am in a really screwed up Twilight Zone episode where nobody understand who I am and what I am saying, and the people who do are only right about it at best 70% of the time. There is a loneliness that comes with this that I don't think anybody I know can understand other than maybe my fiance.

Which goes right back to how I can't explain to somebody well enough for them to understand me to begin with, aaaaaand cyclical... The end. I'm done writing this. Enjoy the extra misunderstandings.

Example 2.

I say: "The band before us had an awesome set. Let's hear it for them." Then go on to apologize in advance that my music is not something you would hear on the radio. saying "we aren't like your favorite band"

They hear: "The band before us was a generic band you would hear on the radio and we aren't like that" I then go outside after I play to see they drew a male member on my vehicle and called me the name one would call such member.

Example 3.

The dentist writes me 2 prescriptions that I am allergic to. A pain killer, and a antibiotic. I don't notice this until I reach the CVS. I inform one of the pharmasists whho informs me they would have to call my dentist. I agreed. While I waited there they called her, and another pharmasist was playing "telephone" for me and the dentist.

"She asking if you know Drug A."- her

"I don't know...."-me

 "mhm...what about drug B?"-her.

"Yeah...again. No idea I'm not a dentist. I told them what I am allergic to. Have them presribe whatever."-me

"Oh well what about Darvocet..." -her.

"Um...I don't know I may have had that after surgery one time."-me

(Lowering her voice and making it sound like she had caught me she says to the dentist...)
"He said yeah...that would work." as if I was a drug seeker, and they had found me out.

I told them to forget the pain meds, and give me the antibiotics. I show up a week later to the dentist and she refuses to treat me. informs me that I had arisen suspicions by saying. "we don't just give out Darvocet to people with minor tooth pain." to which I replied. "Ok yeah...I didn't ask for Darvocet."
"Well they said you did."-her.

I recited to her the exact goings on at CVS and informed her of the idiot pharmacists little farce. She was unwavering. So I finally, brokenheartedly informed her that in order for me to have planned all of this to get Darvocet I would have had to have forced her into writing a prescription for two medicines that could've killed me. And I left.

The Ever Enlightening Secrets of Mana.

          Growing up my favorite video game was Secret of Mana on Super Nintendo. The hero in it finds out all at once that he is special, of great importance, one of a chosen few who held such a special place in that world. That always jived with how I felt about myself, and what I wanted the differences in me to mean.

           I wanted it to mean that there was some great calling, some amazing event that I would not only partake in, but cause, drive, and, see through. Something so life changing...world changing, that the people who questioned my importance would stand in silence awestruck by the knowledge that what happened was real.

            I don't remember what I used to call him, as each time I played through I gave him a name that resembled who I was at that time, but it was me. The whole thing. His closest friends mocked him for being different, his surrogate father treated him like he didn't belong there. His real father had disappeared on some sort of hopeless quest reappearing too late to do anything other than sum up what was already learned up until that point. All of it...

            And at the very beginning of the game, as he finds out his importance he is blamed for all hell breaking loose, charged with fixing it, and banished from the only home he'd ever known.

"Have everything you need?"

[Yes]

"You are hereby banished from Potos village. Now get out of here!"

            This has been a recurring theme in my life, as I'm sure it is in many other peoples. Different lives, different friends, different surroundings.

" But time flows like a river...and history repeats."

           I've been banished from Potos more times than I can count now, and I am currently recovering from the most recent. My home, my family, my world once again taken from me, and I can never go back. These aren't just words. Sometimes it kills me inside so much that I have to remind myself that I can't get back there just to put to rest the possibility. It was so bad that for the first 4 months I had to convince myself it was true as I woke.

            My family recently shattered. My surrogate father no longer a part of my life. My original father present but too late to do anything but narrate cohesively what I already know to be true with some questionable variables. My home left behind. Banished from what I knew. again...

            But in the game none of the hero's importance, none of his significance comes through until he is banished from his home unable to return.

            So tonight I was hoping. That this...this is when mine comes through for me. I am in a new job that is enabling me to move on with my life, with the woman I love whom I hope to have a family with, and break the curse as a father that I endured as a son. Now that I am out of the reach of my surrogates father's negative perceptions of me I am slowly realizing my potential, my worth, and my place in a world where I may or may not belong.

            There is nothing about me that is normal, or believable for that matter. All of the things that make me up seem like they could be made up by an overzealous writer who's biggest flaw is writing characters with too much going on. It's like I don't exist, sometimes it's like I shouldn't, but what I'm starting to realize is...

            If I am real...and what I say is true...if what I can do lives up to even half of what some of the people around me think I can...then I must be destined for something. Something much more than I have ever given myself credit for before.

            So now here I am in a place somewhere between the pain of leaving Potos, and the knowledge that I am on my way to something more. Where I will go places, meet people, and do things I would never have the courage or honor of doing if I hadn't been given the benefaction of being banished...from a place where I was just...that weird kid in Potos wondering why I was so different, and waiting for some sign of my own importance.

  

 So I guess for that I should thank you.

so...thank you. 

Now I'm off to find my Mana Sword.

-thatonewolf



Soundtrack part 1:

Soundtrack part 2:

Emotions, senses, and staying power in Aspies (A page from the handbook for Nuerotypicals as written by me) Man that's a long title.

So far this week at work I have been shot in the eye with a laser scanner (For a joke), had the Best Buy alarms go off right next to me many times, Been pulled in a billion directions, and lastly had my new boss show up randomly with another higher up and tear our part of the store apart and put it back together because everything was apparently wrong.

Now, I do have the ability to act nuerotypical better than most Aspie people, and I do have a high tolerance to most of these things even though some can break through my defenses. There is no blocking a laser hitting your eye, and it immediately causing a sharp pain in various brain areas. (not joking), and the alarm when it's so close causes more pain in my ears, chest, and head.
Add on the stress of the random boss showing up (who himself was stressing out, with the other guy)

They both were very business oriented, straight to business oriented...Which I understand but at the same time is another set of rules I'm not overly understanding of or happy with. But I play along, listen to the grade A overly simplified explanations of how things work. "You know, how you walk into a store in California, and new York and they look the same, that's what we are going for." dO_ob...yeah?

Sometimes I'm too smart for my own good I guess, but the point of all of this, long winded or not is that these sensory issues stay long after the stimuli leaves. Our senses: Taste, touch, smell, hearing, sight, and emotions all have a ridiculous staying power. I felt where the laser hit my eye for 2 days. The first second of the alarms instills a shock that lasts for a good 30 minutes to an hour, not to mention the actual sound leaving a ringing that may last just as long.

The emotional stuff like stress, anger, fear, as well as the good emotions can last quite a while after (the negative ones last longer and often burn stronger) So having those higher ups around lasted well into the night after they left. They are cool guys mind you, but their stress is catching is all I'm saying.

Yes I know. Aspie people are not supposed to be able to feel/show emotion which by the way is completely wrong. In the original diagnoses yes we can't "show" emotion, and we have trouble understanding others, but A: that doesn't mean we don't' have our own, and B: as we learn the reasoning behind others emotions they weigh so heavily on us that we sometimes cannot distinguish them from our own.

And again all of these things stay with us for hours if not days. I do have a ridiculous defense built up to where I can withstand almost everything that's thrown at me, but even still there's a limit. I mean I can get cussed out by a customer, maintain my composure and even talk them down, but the implications of a boss being upset about how things are running, or being pulled over by cops, or interviews, any situation that matters there is a huge stress level.

So no matter how high functions the person you are talking to is please do realize that to you it's just a loud noise, or an angry customer, or a "stressful" boss. For us it's the worst version of all of that, plus all the flickering screens, billions of noises, emotions, and most of us also sense/feel light on our skin as well which is pretty annoying. So add on to the fact that all of these things are long lasting, and it's not overly fun. Imagine listening to 5 songs from various genres, and then having a reverb and an echo on them.

All I'm saying is, you have to realize that this isn't just "the world" for us, it's not as easy as it is for everyone else. We have to put on a shell, block out as much as we can, and face some things head on. All that being said, I see this more as an out of control superpower, than a disability. Just saying.

Pretzel Hot Dog Kolache

~ Pretzel Hot Dog Kolache ~

Ingredients:

8-12 hot dogs, or 6-8 sausages
1 1/2 cups warm water
2 tablespoons light brown sugar, white sugar, or honey
1 package active dry yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)
3 ounces unsalted butter, melted
2 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
4 1/2 to 5 cups all-purpose flour
Vegetable oil
3 quarts water
3/4 cup baking soda
1 whole egg, beaten with 1 tablespoon cold water
Coarse sea salt

Directions:

Combine the water, sugar, yeast, and butter in the bowl of a stand mixer and mix with the dough hook until combined. Let sit for 5 minutes.

Add the salt and flour and mix on low speed until combined. Increase the speed to medium and continue kneading until the dough is smooth and begins to pull away from the side of the bowl, about 3 to 4 minutes. If the dough appears too wet, add additional flour, 1 tablespoon at a time. Remove the dough from the bowl, place on a flat surface and knead into a ball with your hands.
Oil a bowl with vegetable oil, add the dough and turn to coat with the oil. Cover with a clean towel or plastic wrap and place in a warm spot until the dough doubles in size, about 1 hour.
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Bring the water to a boil in a small roasting pan over high heat and add the baking soda.
Remove the dough from the bowl and place on a flat surface.

(here is where we deviate)

Cut the dough ball into 4 parts, and then cut each of those in half to make 8 (or the amount you need for your hot dogs/sausage. Flatten each piece of dough wider, and longer than the hotdog/sausage you have, and lay the dogs/sausage in the dough wrapping it in the dough like a Kolache.

Boil the pretzel kolaches in the water solution in batches of 2. Boil for about 30 seconds. Remove with a large slotted spoon. Place on a baking sheet that has been sprayed with cooking spray. Make sure they are not touching. Brush the tops with the egg wash and season liberally with the salt. Place into the oven and bake for 15 to 18 minutes until golden brown.


(Original dough recipe by http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/homemade-soft-pretzel-bites/)